Your Own Way of Life
by Dokkan Capriccio
Summary: Starting over is hard. Especially when you're only 8. Sasuke struggles to find a real reason to live. [attempt at 1st person]


_I have a few chapters written, but I'm not sure if I should continue. So please leave a review whether you hate it or not.~_

Once upon a time would have been nice. But at this point it was too late for fairy tales to bring about a happy ending. Each time I opened my eyes it seemed like the world was crashing around me and the scream would never leave my lungs.

The sky was grey that day and although storms were common in the summer today it felt much more ominous than it had before. It felt as though everything had changed.

Though in reality hadn't it all changed?

Waking up in the hospital just confirmed my nightmares. My arm ached under a bandage and I felt like crying. But I wasn't allowed, even if he wasn't there my father would disapprove and just tell me to be more like Itachi. I sat up slowly, my eyes adjusting to the light quickly enough to spot the ANBU member standing near the door before he seemed to notice me. I rubbed my palms against my eyes. If I could see one then there was probably a whole team of them staying out of sight somewhere in the room.

When I moved my hands away the ANBU member was at the foot of the bed.

His voice was smooth, but I could still tell that he was nervous. He didn't want to be here and I couldn't blame him for that. I wouldn't want to be the one to tell a child that their nightmare was real.

"Would you happen to have any idea where... Itachi is?" The hesitation. I wondered if he thought I didn't know what happened.

"I don't know." I whispered wondering if the ANBU would believe me. I could only hope that he wouldn't stay long. I didn't want to be questioned by a faceless man.

He sighed, wearily, but didn't press the subject. Whether he knew what Itachi did or whether he just wanted to find him safe, he wasn't letting on in the least.

"Do you remember what happened last night?" His voice was smaller this time.

I pretended not to hear him, and focused my attention on the bandages covering my arm. The pause was long enough to become uncomfortable.

"A nurse will come check on you, then I have to take you to see the Hokage."

The silence slipped back into place.

"I didn't see it happen." I mumbled as I fiddled with the bandage.

I decided that I hate masks. It's hard to judge how a mask reacts.

A nurse came by within the next few minutes, asking if anything hurt. She barely looked at me at all while she was in the room, instead looking out of the window when talking to me. My head started throbbing as she spoke and I just wanted to sleep. When she skitted out I stared at the only interesting thing in the room, although I don't think he liked being watched that closely. He was probably even uncomfortable with being visible at all. The ANBU was fidgeting, constantly moving his hand to his pocket

I don't remember lying down again, but the uncertain hands adjusting the blanket and rubbing my back were oddly comforting.

I fell asleep in moments.

When I woke up again the ANBU was still in the room, leaning against the window reading a book. He didn't look up at all as I sat up in the bed.

"You'll have to see the Hokage at some point." He mumbled changing the page. "But he can't really do anything if you're asleep, so if you're still tired..."

"I just want to get this all over with." He finally looked away from the book, the mask turning to look at me.

"Okay. We can go now if you want."

I really just wanted to sleep, perhaps just go under the blankets and spend the rest of my life hiding there. But hiding wouldn't fix it, even if I wanted to believe otherwise.

I walked slowly behind the ANBU as we left the hospital, the Hokage had waited this long, surely he could find something to occupy his time. I was really just hoping that he would be busy when we got there and that he wouldn't be able to see me right away.

But of course this week wasn't working on my side. The Hokage wasn't busy and he ANBU left as soon as I entered the office. It was about this point that I found it hard to breath.

He almost immediately started asking questions, but I didn't want to remember what happened so every one of them was countered with a pause and three simple words. "I don't know."

I don't know what happened. I don't know how I got hurt. I don't know who did it. I don't know where Itachi is. I don't know if he was there. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

"Can you tell me anything at all?"

"My head hurts." Just another lie to block any more questions. The look in his eyes said that he didn't believe me. There again, considering that in the ten minutes I had been in his office a full 100% of my statements had been lies, did he really have a reason to believe me?

I hid my face in my hands as he stared at me for a few more minutes until he sighed. As I looked up the old man came over and ruffled my hair with a sad smile on his face.

"If you see your brother you need to let us know. Okay?"

I couldn't tell if he really knew who did it or not, but he didn't wait for any kind if response saying I could go.

No. That's not okay. If I were to see Itachi I'm not sure what would happen, but if the village wanted him found the Hokage would surely know where he was before I would see him anyway. I don't want to be the one to get Itachi caught.

Why should I be responsible in any way for what happens to him?


End file.
